Lurgee

I feel better, I feel better now you've gone
I feel better, I feel strong

I got better, I got better now there's nothing wrong
I got better, I got better, I got strong

Tell me something, tell me something I don't know
Tell me one thing, tell me one thing and let it go

I got something, I got something heaven knows
I got something, I got something I don't know

Getting a dose of your own medicine is never fun. It usually tastes bitter and is hard to swallow. Ignoring it though keeps one from getting better and making a change in their life.

I am getting a taste of my own medicine right now and it is a hard pill to swallow.

I spent the weekend on the coast. I needed to get away and get grounded. My divorce was final this past Friday and I needed to breathe.

I spent most of the weekend talking with my sister. It is interesting to me how I can talk with her and finally see the light. I can’t seem to do that with anyone else, not even my sponsor. I do try but it doesn’t happen.

So many things have been confusing me. Work, family, relationships, friendships, and I just needed to be away from all distractions so I could see it all laid out. I did see it all laid out and didn’t particularly care for it.

It sucks to care for people and have that not returned. It sucks to have the shoe on the other foot when dealing with relationships. It sucks to find yourself in a job you didn’t see yourself in again. It sucks to realize that you feel like you have no one and nothing left for you in your home town. It sucks to realize as your driving back “home” you are crying because you don’t want to go.

I am not perfect. I have made many mistakes in my life, but walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you really have any room to talk.

I have done the best that I was capable of over the last few years, especially in the last year. I am at a point where I don’t really care if that was good enough for anyone else. I have had to live my life, not them. I have to deal with the consequences of my choices and actions. It was not my intention to hurt anyone in the process.

I am worth more than I am receiving from those around me. I am worth the time and effort. I am worth it.

I see it for what it is now. I see much more clearly how my choices in people, places, and things have landed me where I am in my life at this current state. I see my part and my responsibility in things and will not take on yours anymore. I see so much more clearly the actions of those around me. I see clearly the fear running most of their lives and I can not be the one to make that fear go away. I have done everything that I can do so far, the rest if up to you. Either you will live your life happy or you will live your life alone – your choice. I suggest you make it soon or it will be too late and I will be gone – never coming back. I am moving fast and picking up speed.

Kissing, I miss kissing. It seems like so long ago I could just lay there and kiss someone for hours and have it go no further.

Kissing with smiles intertwined with laughter. Passionate kisses, soft kisses, aggressive kisses, and then those kisses that make your toes curl and your heart flutter, I miss those kisses.

Everyone forgets about kissing. It tells us so much. It tells us if the person is kind, considerate, caring or selfish, rude, and thoughtless.

The gentle brush of fingers across my cheek down my jaw to my neck, resting a hand there while being thoroughly kissed – yeah I miss just kissing.

There is beauty in the breakdown.....

"Let Go"

drink up baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, l-let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await
your own arrival
you've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

In the breakdown
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
The breakdown

So amazing here
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Make yourself.....

If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow..
If I hadn't assembled myself, Id've fallen apart by now.
If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow.
Powers that be, Would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow.
But...

If you let them make you, they'll make you Paper-Mache
At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes
Then you'll crumble and blow away.
If you let him fuck you there will be no foreplay.
Rest assured, They'll screw you complete, Until your ass is blue and grey!

You should make amends with you,
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live,
Why not try, and Make yourself?
Make yourself (Make yourself)

If I hadn't made me, I'd have fallen apart by now.
I won't let them make me..It's more than I can allow.
So when I make me, I won't be paper-Mache..
And if I fuck me...I'll fuck me in my own way.
Fuck me in my own way
Fuck me in my own way
Fuck me in my own way
Fuck me in my own way...

You should make amends with you,
If only for better health (Better health)
But if you really want to live,
Why not try, and Make yourself?
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself!