Getting a dose of your own medicine is never fun. It usually tastes bitter and is hard to swallow. Ignoring it though keeps one from getting better and making a change in their life.

I am getting a taste of my own medicine right now and it is a hard pill to swallow.

I spent the weekend on the coast. I needed to get away and get grounded. My divorce was final this past Friday and I needed to breathe.

I spent most of the weekend talking with my sister. It is interesting to me how I can talk with her and finally see the light. I can’t seem to do that with anyone else, not even my sponsor. I do try but it doesn’t happen.

So many things have been confusing me. Work, family, relationships, friendships, and I just needed to be away from all distractions so I could see it all laid out. I did see it all laid out and didn’t particularly care for it.

It sucks to care for people and have that not returned. It sucks to have the shoe on the other foot when dealing with relationships. It sucks to find yourself in a job you didn’t see yourself in again. It sucks to realize that you feel like you have no one and nothing left for you in your home town. It sucks to realize as your driving back “home” you are crying because you don’t want to go.

I am not perfect. I have made many mistakes in my life, but walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you really have any room to talk.

I have done the best that I was capable of over the last few years, especially in the last year. I am at a point where I don’t really care if that was good enough for anyone else. I have had to live my life, not them. I have to deal with the consequences of my choices and actions. It was not my intention to hurt anyone in the process.

I am worth more than I am receiving from those around me. I am worth the time and effort. I am worth it.

I see it for what it is now. I see much more clearly how my choices in people, places, and things have landed me where I am in my life at this current state. I see my part and my responsibility in things and will not take on yours anymore. I see so much more clearly the actions of those around me. I see clearly the fear running most of their lives and I can not be the one to make that fear go away. I have done everything that I can do so far, the rest if up to you. Either you will live your life happy or you will live your life alone – your choice. I suggest you make it soon or it will be too late and I will be gone – never coming back. I am moving fast and picking up speed.