...haldol drip permanently installed straight to the brain.

I am thinking I am a glutton for punishment – or I have just given up and gone numb. Its not just me either. I am seeing this behavior in many of my friends. It is a general attitude of fuck love and fuck commitment. Is it really a bad thing to think that way? I mean, how many of us were told as were growing up by our parents or relatives – oh they are just mean to you because they like you! What a fucking load of shit. The bad thing is we all grow to believe it.

We all end up in these relationships where we are treated badly and think that is normal, think that means they love us. When we find those people that are kind to us, respect us, think of us we wonder what they are after – what’s their hidden agenda? That is screwed up.

I do it myself. I do it to myself.

Then again I just wonder if I have reached a point in my life where I don’t believe anything or anyone anymore.

There are those people that tell you everything you want to hear just so they can stay in your bed, stay in your life, make sure you aren’t looking elsewhere. They pay just enough attention to you to keep you stringing along. These people think it is fine for them to go along with their lives seeing other people, etc. – but god forbid you do it. And these are the people we chase after, stay with, and want to be with – we all need to be locked up in a mental ward in a straight jacket with a haldol drip permanently installed straight to our brains.

Then there are the people we run from. These are the people that truly care about us, that truly love us, that truly want to be with us. These are the people that want to make plans with you, the people who call you just to say hi and ask your day is going, the people that if you have something bad happen no matter how minor or major will drop everything just to give you a hug or hold your hand, the people who tell you that they love the way your skin smells right beneath your shoulder blades. These are the people we keep as friends, these are the people who we refuse to feel for, these are the people we will not believe truly love us or care for us bc we wonder how they could, these are the people we push away every time they get to close but the first people we call when we are in need of help or are in pain. Again – we all need to be locked up in a mental ward in a straight jacket with a haldol drip permanently installed straight to our brains.

Seriously – WTF?!?!