I think I have found out that it is possible to reach a semi-delirious state right now. I want to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry bc I feel so overwhelmed and laugh bc there isn't a damn thing I can do about the situations bringing about these emotions. The walls went up fast this time, faster than I thought they would. That old familiar feeling of space, time, and distance between myself and others is back and I can't say that I am disappointed. I actually feel safer right now behind my walls. I feel like I am peeking over the top and sighing. I don't want to come out from behind them, I don't know if I ever will - and I don't know if that is a bad thing. Its cold and numb, but I don't mind.