Missing

So as I was driving home last night I couldn’t help but admire the soft moon light as it reflected off of the snow on the ground. There was a chill in the air surrounded by a quiet peace. It was not like driving home. It was almost as if I were back driving through Canada, Philly, or Jersey.

I couldn’t stop my thoughts from wandering. I had a conversation with someone last night that had my thoughts wandering to a place I was not happy about.

I was driving home to an empty and cold apartment, a huge bed I would probably sleep in alone save my two cats, and I sighed. I knew what I wanted to be driving too and that did not sit well at all. I wanted to be driving to a dark room, a warm bed, and a soft place to lay my head. I wanted to be driving to video games, Old Boy, and NIN. I wanted to be driving to someone I could celebrate the snow with, someone I could have a snowball fight with, and someone who wanted me there.

The reality is though these are not things I can have because he does not want them. I wonder if he ever really did. It sucks to miss someone when you don’t want too. It sucks to miss someone who is able to go along as if nothing happened and return to whatever happiness he had before you entered and exited his life. It sucks to be the only one missing.

So, as I sit here with my coffee and donut, I am going to try and put the missing to the side. I am the only one missing so it does seem pitiful on my part.

P.S. I know I am not supposed to be drinking coffee and eating a donut but dammit I had a craving for them, so save the lectures.